And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
