id be glad to
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
