we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
