it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
