It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
