I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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