he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
