Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
