I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
