Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
