Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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