My first STD was from a foam party
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
