Nicole vs. Life
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
