just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
