things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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