I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
