she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
