So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
