I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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