last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
