I wish I could teleport
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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