it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
