I feel great
I just peed on a car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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