Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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