so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
