Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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