haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
