Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize