You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
