naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
