I just threw up on my dentist
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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