and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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