Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
