And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
