I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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