Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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