tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
