Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
