dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
