chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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