my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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