That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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