Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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