so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
