lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
