i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
