Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
