I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
