No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
