Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
