So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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