i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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