And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
