i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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