he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
