What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
