just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
