Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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