So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize