If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
