Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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