She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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