but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
