You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
