went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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