I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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