So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
