Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
