we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
