I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
