I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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