Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
