Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
